The Swiss vote yesterday to ban minarets, which will be written into their constitution, is a good start, a fine one, but it doesn’t go far enough. If there is any hope to be garnered from a ban, food must be included. Food is what we experience viscerally each day. Certainly is it a chief way we define ourselves: our religious, national, and family identities. For example: Kosher, Halal practices. Fish on Friday. The surrender of meat during Lent. Or: French cooking, Italian pasta, Chinese spices, Indian spices, and raw Japanese fish. Or: Grandma’s meatloaf. A favorite aunt’s gravy. A cookie from childhood.
So, that being the case, here are some foods that we could ban to create social change:
Brownies: Not all brownies, just the ones with walnuts. These make a lot of disruptive noise during important meetings. They are also associated with inherent violence in the heterosexual community.
Concord grapes. Far too old-fashioned and flavorless. Linked to the John Birch Society through John Welch.
Handballs. Not technically a food item, but included out of r-e-s-p-e-c-t for dogs who often mistake them food and can choke on them and asphyxiate.
Egg Salad. Note, not eggs, but just the unctuous, goopy stuff. Linked to Aryan rights movements.