Is Pakistan Behind Today’s Big Food News?

So far, let’s be honest: There is no evidence to suggest that the Haqqani network is behind the resignation of Sam Sifton as restaurant critic at The New York Times nor the hare-brained review of Legal in today’s Boston Globe.  However, even an amateur sleuth, a village idiot like me, can spot clues of trouble and linkage.

First, Sifton.  He is leaving after less than two years as restaurant critic in order to become a national editor.  He’s pulling a reverse R.W. “Johnny” Apple here.  I’m sorry to see him go, his work was honest and well-informed.  Why would a terrorist group want to see him leave?  Hint: Look for an upscale Pakistani restaurant opening in NYC within the year.  Sifton notoriously is opposed to kebabs and Peshwari cuisine.  With Sifton gone, Haqqani can count on a good review in The Times.

Then the Globe: So, so many errors:

1. The reviewer refers to hiramasa as kingfish.  Um, hello?  My next door neighbor Michael, who is four years old, knows that hiramasa is yellowtail.  Sure, it can be kingfish, but only when it is farm raised.

2.  The reviewer says that abalone is a “rare” menu item.  Seriously: Does she get out much?  Google “abalone” and “restaurants” and you will find literally dozens of places, especially in Chinatown, serving this.

3.  The reviewer says that Legal is not Le Bernadin.  Well, duh.  Le Bernadin is easily the best seafood/fish restaurant in North America, and that level comes at a price: Dinner for two is easily $500+ with tax, wine, and tip.  It’s a three-star Michelin, for Eric’s sake!  You know what I say?  I say the reviewer for The Globe is no Sam Sifton.

Now what that all has to do with Pakistan is simply this: Is it possible, and I’m just asking, I’m not accusing anybody of anything, but is it possible that the Globe reviewer is secretly Maulvi Haqqani?  That would explain not knowing food.  If you’re busy planning terrorist attacks, do you have time to think about the food?  Of course not.

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